Book 3: The Liar, the Thief and the Asshole
Remember when I said the end of my relationship with J brought about A Series of Unfortunate Relationships….. Yeah well this is one of those relationships.
This is the story of when S met Dee.
Again for the sake of privacy we call this boyfriend S. I met S again in Church… (I seem to go for church guys don’t I). I was still a member of the church choir and S was well brought in to train us on singing and on playing various instruments (he was very multi-talented in all things…trust me). At this time S was a good 8 years older than me. Our relationship started out as a series of back and forth yahoo messenger flirtations (this was b4 WhatsApp, snap chat Instagram Viber etc.). Finally we decided to actually have face to face chat and so began an 8months roller coaster relationship.
I thought being with an older guy was going to do me some good (boi!!! was I sooo far gone) worse mistake EVER!!! This dude was the ultimate manipulator. And because at the time I knew him I was certainly not in the right head space. If u recall I told you I was in a dark place during my relationship with J…well I was still very much there when S waltz into my life.
This dude never bother to ask me what was going on with me or how I was doing, everything was always about him. He wanted everything I did to revolve around him. He would ask me for money and like a fool I would give him the little I had at that time just to make him happy. Unbeknown to me, he was doing the same thing with a college friend of mine (we call her T) that he happened to know as well as to my Best friend at that time (we call her Fifi). Well I found out about him asking my BFF for money the day he mistakenly revel how she had given him more money than I had. (The shock I got that day… it’s amazing how a defib was not used).
As time went on in this messed up relationship I noticed that every time Fifi and would be hanging out doing girl stuff, he would be calling either me or Fifi non-stop asking what we are doing or saying. At that time it puzzled me as to why he was so keen to know what we were up too, it was until later I found out why. (The son of a heifer was worried that Fifi and I would find out he was playing us against each other). Any way lets continue…
As the relationship went on, I found it to be very tedious, tensions were rising between me and S and between me and my friends T and Fifi. The tension between us girls got catty and bitchy and neither of us really knew what was going on…somehow it felt like we were all marking our territory like a pack of bitches (female dogs in this context).
One day while in college with T I heard her on the phone saying to one of her girlfriends how she got laid a few nights before and was going into details of all the stuff she did with this fella (grosssss….TMI rite) and she talked about how the guy she slept with said his phone had fallen and smashed so T was asking this friend of hers to hook her up with a new blackberry phone to give to dude. GUESS what the next day when I met up with S he had a brand new Blackberry phone, when I asked him how he got it …he said “ a friend gave it to him”. It was at this point I began to sense that I was being 2 timed or in this case 3 timed but this bastard. Things got interesting when a few days later when S walks up to my house and tells me that he had F*** up…that he had slept with T.
He claimed he was in his apartment when T came all dressed up and seduced him into sex…after that I told him to walk out the door and never look back for I was done with his sorry broke ass. We were about a month into our break up when I found out that my BFF Fifi was 4 months pregnant with S baby….so while he was dating me, he was sleeping with my BFF and with My friend and with God knows who. What is funny is my so called BFF knew he was with me and didn’t mind and even had the audacity to tell me she was carrying his baby and they were going to stay together. My response to that was “I am so happy for you. Good luck with it all”. That was the last time I saw either one of them.
It is safe to say Good riddance to very rotten smelly rubbish.
Talk about Drama right???
Who knew that 4years I would find myself in a somewhat similar situation again!!!
Talk about bad luck with men…..( YIKES)
Book 4: Prince smooth talker and full of BullShit
The year is 2011, again for privacy we call this dude Abs.
Abs and I share mutual friends and when we all found ourselves in Nigeria for a friend’s wedding an unexpected friendship blossomed. We came back to Dublin and continued in this friendship and when he finally asked me out I at first was reluctant (the reason for my reluctance is another story altogether) but later gave in and agreed to date him. This brought about a series of whirlwind romance. The kind you read about in Romance novels. It was different for me, this sort of stable and reliable relationship. The kind when you know you’re safe. Regardless of how the relationship ended I must admit that being with this guy helped me grow as a person. I suddenly realised it was okay to let my guards down a little bit more. I realised it was okay to trust again, I realised that I was capable to love in a way I never thought or knew I could. And for that I will forever be grateful to him for that. I am going to lie I had strong feelings for Abs. Yes I did love him immensely because he made me feel things I had lost as a child for the first time in a long time I felt like I belong to someone and not abandoned( yeah yeah I have daddy issues).
Any way it was a good relationship or so I thought…no really it was. He was a genuinely nice guy. He got on sooo well with my mother and even when my granny came to visit they got on well. I knew I could count on him for anything and everything and he felt same about me. It was us against the world and we were winning. As time progress…things started to change a little but I think that had to do with the fact that we were now so familiar with each other. We both kind of started taking the other person for granted. The one issue I had was that I seemed to have lost all my friends who were also his friends because I was in a relationship with him. No one called me anymore or even checked up on me. There was this one friend whom I will call Tee for now. It was Tee’s sister’s wedding we went to in Nigeria that resulted in Abs and I dating. Tee had prior to the wedding became my best friend cos at a time I was low from a disaster of a relations from S( story above ↑) he was my confidante and helped me healed. Any way Abs from the get go had always be jealous of my friendship with Tee so when we started dating did everything he could to end that friendship I guess it worked. I lost a best friend amongst others. This relationship became more of just the two of us. I didn’t mind at all at first but as time progressed it started to have a strong impact on me as a person.
Then there was another problem in the relations. Tribalism. Abs and I were from two different Nigerian tribes and my goodness did they not let me forget that. I was having to face backlash from people from his tribe who were not happy to see us together or those that felt like he should be with his own kind. In this day and age people still think so ignorantly but it is the truth. I snicker and mockery I got. The back biting and gossiping and even sometimes they say it to my face but I figured I was with the guy I love so it didn’t matter what others thought. But it got to a point where I just couldn’t take it anymore and decided to open up and voice my worries to my bf thinking he would stand by me instead it was the opposite. When I told him what was going on and how I felt about it he just took it likely and made me feel like it was all in my head and I was being silly. That hurt like hell. I felt like my heart was shattered. My man couldn’t have my back. After that I decided to stop expressing my feeling and started withdrawing. Abs noticed my withdrawal and decided to humour me by acting like he was going to deal with the problem but he did nothing. I suddenly noticed that this guy who is always so loving and caring and got on well with my family, who always sweet talked me and always said the right thing might just have a demon inside him and it made me question if he was the right guy for me to marry. I started to question various things about this guy that I considered my love. I noticed that he always disregarded my opinions, never listened to what I had to say and various other things.
When I got admission to go study abroad I thought oh this is great. An opportunity to be away from each. A much needed break. You know the old saying of how a little distance from each other makes the heart grow funder. But he refused to let go. He said he was not going to give us space that we could work it all out. Against my better judgement I went along with it and he was my old sweet Abs again, but again I realised that I was really not happy with the relationship at all. I was succumbing to him again and letting him have his way yet again. By August when he came to visit me, I sat him down and said we need a brief break at least till I finish my thesis in January, again he put on the “You are breaking my heart Dee” face and I felt like the bad guy again. Once again I gave in. then in October while trying to get something from his email I found some emails from lots of different girls that he had been chatting with online and how he had been telling them how he was single and ready to mingle and all that jazz, I confronted him and all he did was give a lame excuse of how someone hacked into in email. I let it slip again cos he begged and cried and pleaded that he was innocent even got his bff to fight for him to. By Christmas Abs attitude towards me had changed significantly. Throughout the holiday he refused to talk to me, he practically snubbed me during the holiday and acted like I was non-existent and I was left wondering what did I do wrong now? I decided to just let it go and move on. When I went back to submit my thesis in January, Abs again started talking to me and actig like he had not just hurt me during the holidays. A week later I got a text saying he had fasted and prayed for 3days and has come to the decision that we should no longer be together no more. Dear God I did not see that one coming at all.
After 3 years and the Son of a B***** breaks up with through a text. All that wearing and declaring how he couldn’t live without me and wouldn’t live without me and still I got blindsided with a big blow. When I came home after my study in February, I found out that he had gone and slept with another girl (who happens to be same tribe as him by the way) and not only sleep with her but got her pregnant. Talk about a blow to the heart that explained a lot especially his behaviour over the holiday. The worst part was everyone else knew but me. I was the last to know.
He didn’t have the respect at all to call me aside and break it to me. Over the last months I have had to wonder if I am the one to blame for this. Did I really belittle myself so low that when he hurt me he thought it was ok to get away with it? Because after all I did let him get away with it for so long.
I am wondering if there is something I am doing to cause men to cheat on me and treat me so poorly. I have never had low self-esteem or lack confidence in myself. So why did this happen to me twice?
Is it me or is it just a case of dating the wrong men or just me unlucky for now?
How do I move into a new relationship without fear of this happening again?
I feel like the adage that says” Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me”
Would I be third time lucky?